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Lamb is at a coffee house in Sacramento looking at his bank account on the internet. He thinks, “I wish I had more money.” He feels humble and unrewarded by life. He stands up and takes off his jacket. He looks around to see if he recognizes anyone then remembers he doesn’t know anyone in California. He thinks about the West Coast and wonders why he is where he is. He thinks, “I can be a bartender anywhere.” Lamb considers the days before he moved to California. He thinks, “When everything made sense.” He sits down and pays his cell phone bill with his credit card then transfers some money from his saving account into his checking account to pay his credit card bill. Lamb thinks the world rewards tireless futility and blind neutrality. He reads a promotional email in his spam box about penis enlargement. He forwards the email to Mieka as a joke. He picks his scalp and wonders if he will lose his hair. Lamb overhears white people telling jokes about water-boarding one another and he feels confused. He thinks, “Californians lack the cerebral pithy required by modern life.” He checks weather.com because he thinks it’s something he should do. He googles his own name and feels disappointed. His battery dies and he closes his computer. He stares out the window for two hours. He considers how useless and uncontrollable his life and everything in it feels. After a while, he finds it hard to concentrate on anything. He drinks coffee until his chest begins to throb. He becomes paranoid and avoids eye contact with the other customers. Then he puts on his jacket and drives home, wondering if home exists. |